Saturday, August 30, 2008

The past few weeks.

Well the past few weeks have been extremely busy. I returned to work full-time on the 18th on the 19th I started a new part-time teaching job with the UAMS Surgical Technology program. Loral went to daycare for the first time on the 18th and I cried until about 3:00 pm and that was only because I ran out of tears. Her teachers were all very nice and understanding. Matt has been able to go by and see her almost everyday at lunch so that has made me feel better. It has been really hard trying to balance everything out. I never feel like I have enough time to spend with her. I have found that I don't talk to many people once I get home, that is my time with her and Matt. It has gotten a little easier but every so often I have a little melt down. This week she will start a new daycare. There wasn't anything wrong with the first one, but the new one will have a smaller class and is a little cheaper per week. She turned three months old on Thursday. Time really has flown by. She smiles and laughs so much now and she will grab things that she wants and pull them to her. We are really enjoying this stage. She had rice cereal for the first time last weekend. That was a rather funny experience. She just held it in her mouth not knowing what to do with it. Since she is tongue-tied it will take us a little longer to get her able to eat from a spoon but I am in not hurry we will just take baby steps. We went this morning and had her 3 month pictures made, we also had some made of the family. They turned out nice. I just wish she had smiled a little more, but she was sleepy and I guess at 3 months you can't really expect to much.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Returning to work

After being off with Loral for 9 weeks, I went back to work part-time. The first morning was not so good. I woke up on time, got dressed, ate breakfast, got all my stuff for work together. Then I have to go feed Loral. Now, usually this is a pleasant experience but not this particular morning. I cried the whole time. It was so hard to know that I was leaving her and she had no idea what was about to happen. I told her how much I loved her and that I would be home soon. But, she just drifted back to sleep expecting her mommy to be there when she woke up just like I had been for her whole life. I finally was able to put her back in her crib and went to kiss Matt good-bye and I started crying again. On the way to work all I could think about was her little face and eyes and how she would be searching for me when she woke up. That is what makes this hard. I know what I am doing or about to do, she just gets blindsided with it all. There is no way to prepare her for my leaving she goes to sleep and I am there and she wakes up and I am no where to be found.
At work I called every hour or so to check on her and I couldn't wait to get home. Everyone at work was telling me how good it was to have me back. The feeling wasn't mutual. Not because I don't like my co-workers but because I wanted to be with my baby. When I got home, she had fallen back to sleep and I started talking to her and then picked her up. She started crying a little and would open and close her eyes like "is this my mommy, is she really home or am I just dreaming". It was good to be home.
Friday morning seemed harder than Thursday. I didn't cry as much but just felt worse about leaving. When I called to check on her the 3rd time she was awake and I talked to her on the phone. At first Hannah said she was looking around and then she turned towards the phone and started smiling. Well, that did me in for the day. I started crying because again I realized she has no idea where I am or when I will be home. I had to get off the phone. It is so hard to feel this way and be able to perform like I need to at work. I know everyone says it gets easier and I am sure it probably will, but right now I am intitled to feel the way I do. It is hard leaving my baby and I miss her so much when I am away.
I couldn't get home to her fast enough either day and I am glad that I have had the last four days off with her. Hopefully it will make tomorrow just a little easier than last week.
On another note! My baby brother turns the BIG 16 today. It is so hard to believe that he is 16 and Arianna is 18. April & I did so much for them when they were little they were like our own kids instead of siblings. Its kind of like our kids are grown-up now. When Arianna arrived everything in our house changed. But we knew what to do with girls. Ancel is born and we just looked at him like he was from outer space. We didn't know what to do with a boy and he had colic and we probably could have given him away to the first taker. No one offered to take him. Although the first 6 mos. of his life were some of the worst for everyone else with his colic. After that was all over he turned into the sweetest little boy and we had so much fun with him. He's not a little boy anymore but he still is a lot of fun. Sometimes I still look at him and wonder where he came from, but I love him so much and wish him the happiest birthday yet!

Monday, August 4, 2008


I know that Loral has been photographed more in her first 2 months than most people do in 20 years. But, I was just able to get my hands on my first outfit and the gown that my mom made for Hannah when she was born. So, I am not apologizing for all the pictures. After all if you are looking at them then you want to see them. You have not been forced to view my beautiful baby. But, I am sure you all feel blessed when you look at her sweet face.
By the way, the photos will only keep coming, she hasn't really started doing any tricks yet.

Loral's New photos