Laughing at myself

When I looked at our blog to see when I made my last post.....I was surprised a little to see that it was January 2, 2011. I then thought to look at some of my friends blogs, I am right in line with them. So, to say the least everyone has had a very busy year. We are still a family of 3 and still praying that will change but for this holiday season it is just the 3 of us and our 5 fish, 4 dogs and 2 turtles. We have had a great year, we took our first family vacation to the beach. Loral absolutely loved it and we are looking forward to going back in May. The holidays are becoming more fun around our house especially with our Elf St. Elmo around. It is a game every morning to see where he has landed. I will try and blog on the changes that come over the next few weeks leading to Christmas. Until then, stay warm and enjoy the season!

Laughing at myself

Christmas Eve 2010 on Jan 2, 2011

So, I finally sat down to blog but I could not get logged in because it has been so long, I forgot my pass word. I had to reset it, which is the story of the password war. It is now the second day of the New Year and I am now in front of the computer again. To say the least 2010 was a very crazy, roller coaster year. We started 2010 unsure of where Matt would work once Progressive Foam closed in Conway. In February he started his new job in Gravette, AR out side of Bentonville. With the new job we made plans to move our family to Bentonville and I then began the search for a new job. All was set and ready to go and then Matt decided that he really could not see this job being a good long term fit for our family and we did NOT move. This all took place the week before Loral and I were supposed to join Matt in Bentonville. Then the second job search of the year started.....Matt found a job in Searcy working for Bryce Corp. in the Maintenance Department and I found a new position in Little Rock working at St. Vincent for Arkansas Neuroscience Institute. Although it has been a crazy year and many HUGE family decisions being made, we found ourselves in pray a lot more than usual but not to say it has not been needed before. The roller coaster ride our family has been on this year made both of us realize how much we really needed to have a better relationship with Christ. We have attended the same church for the past few years but placed membership in October. There are so many young couples and young families that are involved in the church and they are an encouragement to us. Loral is constantly growing and changing. I have been looking at pictures from last Christmas and New Years and I am amazed at how babyish she still looked then and now she looks like a little girl, not a baby anymore. It makes me sad to realize that my sweet little baby girl is just my sweet little girl now. She is such a blessing to be around and the sweetest thing is our bedtime songs. When our busy day is over and it is just the two of us in her bed or the rocking chair and her sweet voice says "Mommy you sing me song". Her request is usually Blue Skies and Rainybows of which I usually start and then she says "no, let me sing it". The waterworks usually start when she begins to sing, the sweet innocence of her voice and how the words are not just right but they are in the way she hears them when I sing. I love this time of day, it is then that everything else that was a struggle for me that day disappears. Even as I am typing now she just gently sneaks in the chair behind me just to hug on my and lay her head on my shoulders. It is rare to find just sweet innocence in today's world, I hope she never looses it. As this new year starts I can not make any promises about my blogging, I can only say when the mood strikes I will share. I am sure that it will become more of a recipe share just because I seem to be cooking more lately and trying new recipes. I hope that you all whomever you are find the peace that on God can bring in the new year and the Hope of Christ....Happy New Year 2011

All the changes

There is so much going on around our house these days. Chasing Loral, trying to pack, keeping the house clean, working, and trying to find time to rest...We now have a move date and are begining to work on a plan to get us moved to the new house as smoothly as possible. With the move we have decided to make the guest bathroom a little more kid friendly than what it is now. We are still going to use some of our Hawaii picture but I have decided that I really like Dr. Seuss One Fish, Two Fish.... I found a shower curtain at PBK, however it is more than I want to spend on a shower curtain. I think with my creative abilities we should be able to use the same denim shower curtain we have and just add some colorful pieces and Dr. Seuss details. I will post some pictures when I get it all done.

We recently took Loral to Wye Mtn. for the Daffodil festival, she was in rare form so I was not able to get that many great shots of her but I did get a few and wanted to share them.

Happy Easter everyone, I will probably post Easter Pictures maybe by Christmas at the rate I have been going. Hopefully we can get our house sold soon and after I finish teaching in June our lives will get back to some sort of normallcy.

It is what it is.....

I have discovered over the past few days that the saying "it is what it is", holds true. With our new family living arrangements we have adopted this phrase. The time that we are apart can not be changed and we just have to put on our big panties and deal. Although it has only been 2 days I have already decided that I do not like this not one bit. Loral is in agreement, although she has not stated this. She has more than shown her dislike for Daddy not being home by acting out and not paying attention. She has also decided that she wants to tell me "no hit" as she hits me on the leg or arm or "no push" as she tries to push me away from the stove or counter. She has gotten this idea confused. I guess when I told her not to hit or push, she thought as long as she repeats what she has been told it is perfectly okay to go ahead with the action. Discipline is proving to be a very daunting task and finding what works for us. It is hard to tell her not to hit anyone or the dogs when after several times on the mat and she continues to do so I have to swat her on the butt. I knew this part was not going to be easy, but I think she is acting out more so right now with Matt being gone than usual and I hope that it will get better as she gets more comfortable with the situation.

18 1/2 month post a little late

I failed to post her 18 month stats and now that she is 20 months I am a little behind. She weighed 21 pounds, was 32 inch tall and her head measured 18 inch.
I need to go ahead and reweigh her but I don't think much has changed.

It is almost time

We enjoyed a great day together as family due to the snow. Matt was planning on going in this morning but after a text message from his current boss, he was told to stay home. We took full advantage of the day. The 3 of us laid in bed for a little while, well until Loral decided she was ready to get "out". This has become our morning routine now that Loral is in a toddler bed and can walk her sweet little self in our room when she wakes. It is always a treat when she comes in early in the am asking for "help" to get in our bed. One morning this week she took a little bit longer getting in our room and when she asked for help I noticed she had a surprise for us. She has decided to bring Matt's football to our bed. She was so excited about her "feetball" and of course we had to act just as happy. Most days she just brings herself other days baby comes to our room with her. So, back to my story of the day. After we got out of bed Matt and I made breakfast. It was so yummy biscuits and gravy, wild hog sausage, and eggs of and some very tasty pecan coffee. As I sat at the dining room table looking at my wonderful family, I realized how much things are about to change. Matt will start going out of town VERY soon and he and I will have 24hours a week to see each other. Granted we do not always get to spend and enormous amount of time together but, this, this is crazy.
Loral is the one I am worried about. She is so little and loves her daddy so so much. She will not understand that Daddy is just gone for the week and he will be back soon. In the mornings after she gives me a kiss she automatically wants to give "daddy kiss". That is just the morning, everything she does throughout the day she wants us both to be apart of. If she goes pee-pee "pobby" she wants us to clap and make a HUGE deal of the accomplishment especially if she poo-poos. When she dress' herself in high heels, 'necktace"and "gasses" and wants to dance she wants it to be family dance. We all hold hands and say our prayers at dinner and she loves to run around the house after her bath and yell "daddy neck" (naked), she feels the need to show off her cute little naked self. After our run of the house we then put on our "booby-panbies" (Sleeping Beauty Night panties) pick out some jamas. Then it is my next favorite time of the day my night kiss. If I am home I usually put her to bed, we must always give daddy kiss before we can go to bed. I lay her in bed tuck her and baby in and give her my final kiss or 2 or 3 of the night and the I say "goodnight" she follows with 'night', I love you 'uv you", see you in the morning 'mormon', then I turn out her light and close her door.
Loral is not the only one that will miss her Daddy. He is my rock and when the day is rough I look forward to coming home to see them both. Our time together after Loral goes to bed is priceless even when I fall asleep during our shows or the latest Netflix delivery. I will not have anyone to warm my hands and feet on at night. Making dinner for 1 1/2 is not going to be much fun and since she does not give any suggestions on what she is in the mood for, means it is all up to me. Great!
I love my family and we are much stronger together, but we will be much stronger having gone through all of this. We did enjoy breakfast, a few movies, a little snow play and dinner together before I had to go in to work. It was a good way to start our period of separation. Please pray for us, our house to sell FAST, me to find a new job, and our family to be back together as a family soon.

The New Year has much in store for our family

These pictures are back wards but she has really enjoyed her shoes.

As we are already in the last week of January I figure I should go ahead and blog about it. Matt starts his new job in a few weeks so our family will be split until our house sells. We officially put our house on the market. It is listed with Velda Lueders of Pam McDowell Properties. I have mixed feelings about all of this but I know that this will be a good thing for our family. The new adventures we will have in Northwest Arkansas. Loral is just as busy as always. She repeats everything. Her new love is highheels, so her Daddy went to the store and bought her some a little better suited for her size. We have a blast. We have discovered that we did not loose all our pictures we had backed up just about all the pictures pre-Loral and have a few of her videos backed up from her first christmas, when she started crawling, her birthday and Las Vegas. It is just all the ones in between that I hope we can recover.

It is Christmas time at our House

Loral loves singing and has learned many of the hand motions that go to certain songs. We were singing "If your happy and you know it" while taking a few pictures by our tree.

Loral was a pink monster for Halloween and was the most adorable monster ever. She enjoyed seeing her friends dressed up as well. We didn't really trick-or-treat, we did go to a thing at church and then visited the grandparents. That was enough for her.

Checking out her Halloween goodies.

It is so hard to believe that it is Christmas again. It seems like we were just celebrating. Although when I look at Loral and see all that she is doing these days I realize how much has changed since last Christmas. We have had a disaster at our house and hope that it will be fixed soon. Our external hard drive that we purchased to keep all our pictures and videos on is not working. So for now we have lost all the pictures we have taken over the past several years and all the video we have of Loral from last Christmas to now. It has been hard to deal with, I understand now what fire victims feel like when they loose all their pictures and videos. It is awful!

On another note Loral is growing and changing constantly. She repeats just about anything that is said to her. We started working on potty or pobby training as Loral calls it. She is very excited about all the christmas lights and enjoys rearranging all the presents under the tree. Christmas morning is going to be so much fun at our house this year. We have had an Elf around our house and Loral looks for him in his previous location and then calls for "Els". It is really cute the way she has picked up on different things. If you ask her what Santa says she replies "Ho Ho Ho Christmas" So sweet.

Hope the season is finding you all well.....

Finally remember my password....

Loral has a few boyfriends, this is her Ca-Ca (Conner) he lives across the street. She loves going to see him.

My sweet baby monster!
We were able to get a few quick shots before she wanted to go move more pumpkins around.

Relocating the pumpkins on the front porch.

It is amazing to look a this picture from last halloween and see how much she has changed.

So, I know I haven't posted anything in a long time on here. I have tried but had forgotten my password. I am sure many of you understand that. It seems like there is a password for everything. Next thing you know you'll need a password to get in the bathroom. Things in the Shapter house have been very busy. Loral is growing so fast and she is just a joy to be with. Her vocabulary grows every day. She loves making animal noises. I called on my way home from work last night and all I could hear was "quack-quack-quack" followed by "neigh-neigh" followed by "moo-maooo". By the time she had made it to the cow, the cow had a little attitude. She wakes up in a great mood most mornings. Although some mornings she does not want to get out of bed.....I totally understand that. We had a great Halloween, she was an adorable pink monster. This is my busy time of the semester. We just started checking off or trying to check off our students on their Sterile Field set-up so they can progress to clinicals after Thanksgiving. Matt and I are looking forward to the Holidays this year. Christmas will be a blast with Loral and we can not wait to see her opening presents. I just hope that of all the holidays I may work this year Christmas Eve night will not be one of them. I should know sometime soon! Hope you are all doing great. Sorry it has been so long since my last post.

Wow, what life has in store with a 1 year old in the house.

Life has been so busy for that last several months. It is really amazing how busy we are with a little one in the house. Our lives have always been busy, they are just now enhance by chasing a toddler around. It is so much fun! There is nothing I enjoy more than sitting in front of the toy box playing Little People for what seems like hours. Loral has such a sweet and funny personality. She laughs and cracks herself up all the time. She has really started trying to repeat things we say and do. She is walking ever where and now trying to run especially if she has something she's not supposed to. We celebrated her 1st birthday a month ago in Las Vegas. I went for the National Conference for Surgical Techs and Matt & Loral came along for a little vacation. Lets just say, it was nice to go to Vegas to say we've been but not sure I will go back. I am working on updating pictures on our shutterfly site, if you have not checked it out or don't have the link here it is.
www.theshapterfamily.shutterfly.com
take care

March is almost here

It is now Feb 22nd and the first 2 months of this year have flown by. Loral will be 9 months on Saturday. She has 2 teeth and a 3rd on the way and is crawling everywhere, she even pulls herself up on the couch. Since I started working nights I have had so much more time with her. I was unsure at first if I had made the right decision for our family but things really seem to be working for us now. She sleeps much better at night now and usually wakes herself up around the time Matt gets ready to go and get her. She still wakes up most mornings in a great mood and excited to see us. She loves eggs and that has now become a staple in her morning routine. She is also eating lima beans, black eye peas, green beans, green peas, cheerios, graham crackers, diced peaches and oranges. She had her first grill cheese sandwich today and loved it. If it can be diced small enough for her she will pretty much try it and most of the time likes it. I think she is growing tired of carrots so we are giving them a break for a week or so. I did find some organic frozen sweet potatos and butternut squash that she likes, we are lucky that she is enjoying the new veggies it makes the dinner selection much better and hopefully she will continue to like her veggies as she continues to grow. One of her friend's Josue turned 1 last week so she is going to his birthday party this afternoon. We still have playdates when we can not everyone's schedule is open on the same day so JT and Brandie were over a few weeks ago and Abby and Rebecca came to play yesterday. It is so funny watching them play and interact with each other. It does seem to take them just a little bit to warm up and then they are all into each other and playing with the toys. Loral does like to take toys away from them and it is usually the toys they brought not hers. We recently had to purchase an external hard drive to hold all of our pictures we were storing close to 10,000 pictures on our computer from the past few years. Now that they are switched over the computer is running much smoother, but I can't locate any of the pictures in a hurry. But I did manage to find a few of her crawling hope you enjoy them.

Loral is 7 months now

We can not believe our little girl is 7 mos. old today. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago that we were heading out to the hospital to have her. She is such a blessing. She now weighs 15lbs 10oz and is close to 28in long. Since her surgery she has gained 1 lb in less than a month. It has really made a difference. She nurses and eats food much better than before. She is sitting up on her own and now is rolling in both directions. She loves to play with balls and her other toys, she has fun changing things from one hand to the other. She will just sit and play for 30-45 mins by herself as long as she doesn't see her mommy she's good. She does get fussy and wants someone to sit and play with her and sometime's she just wants us to pick her up. We are really having a great time with her. Christmas was fun. She got some new clothes and new toys and her first snowbaby ornament. I hope to start her an ornament collection that she will hopefully cherish over the years. I will post some new pictures from the christmas festivities. We purchased a new video camera with our christmas gift cards so we are going to see if we can upload a video or two every once in a while. Well the new year is fast approaching. I am working nights now in OB and Matt is still at Progressive Foam. Things are good in the Shapter House! Happy Holidays may God Bless you and your families in the New Year!

Time just keeps flying by.

I will try and make this short and sweet. The last post was just before Halloween so there is alot to say. We spent Loral's first halloween with her cousins Katy Belle & Lindley then went to Grandmoma's to see her other cousins. She was a monkey and the cutest one ever! November was another busy month in the Shapter House. The first weekend in November Matt & I got an elective sitter for the first time so we could go out to dinner for Tabetha's 30th birthday. So Mimi came over to keep Lola. Although we knew she was in very capable hands, it was very weird for us to leave her when we didn't have to. We did enjoy ourselves but we were ready to get home to see her. She and Mimi had a great time. We spent Lola's first Thanksgiving visiting Uncle in the hospital, he was recovering from a vehicle accident. We ate lunch at Mimi & Pop's she loves sweet potato casserole. The day after Thanksgiving Matt & I went to the LSU vs. Hogs game in Little Rock. I was the ever so intellegent one who left without a coat and got very cold quickly. So we left the game early and finished watching it at Dawn's while we waited on Uncle to be transfered from Conway to Children's Hospital. It was a game I hate that we missed but I was not having a good time being rained on. Uncle did get to come home the week after Thanksgiving and seems to be healing well. God was really watching over him because he could just as easily not survived the wreck and his injuries could have been much worse than what they were. The wednesday after Thanksgiving I spent my last full day in the OR. Thursday Lola had her 6 month check up and weighed in at 14 lbs. 11 oz and 27 1/4 in long. She was sick most of the month of November with a cold, pink eye and teething so it was a rough month and we made 2 trips to the Dr. office so we were not surprised at her weight. She still is pretty small for her age but she is doing great. Dec. 5th she had surgery to correct her tongue because she was tongue tied. She did pretty good during surgery and seemed to feel good that afternoon but by Sunday evening the pain meds from friday were worn off and mortin wasn't really helping. Sunday was one of the longest nights we have had in a long time. We were all up for about 4 hours that night. It made for a rough first day in OB on Monday. The 12th was Lindley's 1st birthday and we went to her house for a party. It is so sweet to see Loral and Lindley playing together and K. B. just loves her baby sister and baby loral. I am so glad that they are so close in age. It reminds me of when Hannah and Arianna were little, they were inseperable. The 13th was a sad reminder of our huge loss last year. Lawson was such a great kid, he was an old cowboy soul in a little cowboys body. We as a family miss him so very much. There isn't a day that goes by that he is not thought of. I only wish he could have met his youngest cousin's. He loved little kids and babies, it was so much fun watching him with Katy Belle. I would give anything to have him back with us, but I know he is always with us in spirit. I know this seems strange but anytime Loral wakes in the middle of the night laughing, I alway's say "Lawson leave her alone and let her get some sleep, she can play when the sun comes out". I guess it's my way of keeping him close to us. Christmas is next Thursday and our tree is up and stocking's are all hung by the front door with care in hopes that St. Nick will soon be here. It is during this time of year that we reflect on they past year. Our lives and family have changed so much we have said good-bye to loved ones and welcomed new members to the family. We are grateful for each experience that God has placed in our life and even though we do not always understand the reason we know he has one.
Merry Christmas and May God bless you and your family in the New Year!
Oh yeah and Loral is sitting up on her own, said dada and she has her first tooth!

catching up

It has been a while since I last blogged. It is so hard to keep up with everything that I must get done and still have time to do things I want to do. I have the best intentions but they only get you so far. Loral has been a very busy girl! We traveled to Nashville, TN with some other ladies that I work with and their little boys for a workshop Oct. 10th. Matt was able to go with me so I was able to take Loral along. She did really well on the car ride over so I was happy. There were times on the ride back that she got fussy but I could feel her pain. She visited the Parthenon replica and the park with her Daddy while I was in class on Saturday and then the group of us 5 adults and 3 babies went to have dinner at Joe’s Crab Shack. We all ate pretty good the kids were all getting pretty sleepy, but still well behaved. Sunday morning we checked out of the hotel and had breakfast at the famous “Pancake Pantry”. We arrived shortly after 8:00am and there was a short line, by the time we left around 9:30am there was a line all the way out the door and around the corner down the street. We had a good time and the workshop was very informative.
The following Thursday we flew out to Knoxville, TN for Curtis and Carol’s wedding weekend. It was Loral’s first flight! She did fabulous! I was so proud of her. She slept pretty much the whole time from Little Rock into Memphis and Memphis to Knoxville. We spent the afternoon and evening with the Bridges. Silas has really grown up since we last saw him last November. He is such a big boy now. Matt and Bridges went to hang out with the guys while Erika and I caught up on everything. I have to step back for a second. While in the air we realized that we had forgotten “Mr. T” (Loral’s riding companion) in the car so we were a little panicked. After all Mr. T goes everywhere loral goes. She prefers him over baby Susie. Anyway so before we headed to Townsend Friday afternoon we had to find and Mr.T2 and hope that he would work. Target carried the same looking Mr.T but he was just a little different and she is one smart girl and noticed. She did however let him work until we could get home. Townsend is a small town but this time of year is beautiful with the Smokey Mountains in few at all times and the leaves changing it made for some really pretty pictures. The wedding was very nice and the reception so much fun. Curtis looked extremely happy and Carol made a beautiful bride, we were so glad that we could be there with them. It was Loral’s first time to meet Matt’s Shapter side of the family tree and they fell in love with her at first sight. She was such a trooper through all the events of the weekend and only fussed when tired or hungry. Sunday we met the Bridges Family in Pigeon Forge for lunch and a little shopping then headed back to their house for a quiet afternoon. We took advantage of our extremely talented photographer friend and had him take some pictures of Loral at the same time showing us how to work our new camera. My only regret is that we didn’t get any pictures of Silas and Loral together, maybe next time. We had an early flight out Monday morning and were ready to get home. Loral did just a great on the return flight; she really made me proud all weekend.
We have been working with her over the last couple months with eating baby food from a spoon. With her being tongue tied it has taken longer. We started with just cereal and she didn’t really get much down at first. Now she has really gotten the hang of it and looks forward to her meals. She is not picky right now which I am grateful for. She loves squash, sweet potatoes, sweet peas and most all of her fruits even prunes. We are just now introducing a little juice and she isn’t so sure about that yet. She is growing so fast and is rolling over more now but only in her crib. She will sit-up for a few seconds on her own and loves to jump in her entertainment center. She also loves watching little Einstein’s and Bee-bo her baby signs movie. She makes the funniest noises, sometime she sounds like a prehistoric animal. She loves to laugh and laughs so much at herself. She is just really starting to get the dogs and loves to watch the big dogs (Diggs & Erika) walk around. Diggs now likes to try and give Loral kisses which doesn’t bother her but grosses me out so we try hard to keep it from happening. Loral is such a joy and we are so blessed to be her parents. I love sharing her new adventures with our friends and family and I know that she brings joy and love to their lives as well. We are celebrating her first Halloween tomorrow so hopefully over the weekend I can post a new slide show of pictures from the last month or so.

I am finally getting a chance to update some picture. The ones from play day are from early September and the ones of her in her monkey costume are from our recent trip to Knoxville, which I will write about soon. Thanks Uncle B for taking such great shots.....more to come soon!

Loral's First Play Day

This past Saturday some of Loral's little friends came to play. There were 5 babies, 3 boys ages 7mos, 5mos & 2 1/2mos and Loral who is now 3 1/2 mos and the other little girl is 2 1/2mos. We had fun watching all of them. The younger ones didn't play much but I think they still enjoyed it. Loral was sleepy she was to excited to sleep before her friends arrived so she fell asleep in the party. When she would cry one of the other boys would push his bottom lip out and start to cry with her. It was so funny! It was like he just couldn't let her cry by herself. The oldest baby was the only one sitting up by himself. I think all the other babies were jealous. We had a great time and I think we are going to do it again in another month or so.

Recent pictures

Loral enjoy's her baths. Cousin Daisy & Loral


Loral and I on 8/18 the day I went back to work full-time and her first day of daycare.
Then 8/30 in her razorback attire. This one is of her and baby cousin Axel she is 10 weeks older.

Aunt Lorey-Lorey and Katy Belle at KB's 3rd birthday party.
Loral having her first taste of rice cereal. She liked it better in a bottle but by the 2nd try with the spoon she enjoyed it.
Sweet baby!
Before Josue's Christening 8/30
7/13 Allison, Ella, Loral & I at Ella's 1st birthday party.
Melissa & Paige added to the pic. My oldest friend's and the newest ones.
Aunt Sis & Paige
KB holding her baby Loral
Loral & Cousin Lindley in their matching outfits from Memoma. Lindley is 5 1/2 months older than Loral.
We are doing good! Sorry some of the picture jump around. We had some family pictures made this weekend I will try and get a few of those up soon.

The past few weeks.

Well the past few weeks have been extremely busy. I returned to work full-time on the 18th on the 19th I started a new part-time teaching job with the UAMS Surgical Technology program. Loral went to daycare for the first time on the 18th and I cried until about 3:00 pm and that was only because I ran out of tears. Her teachers were all very nice and understanding. Matt has been able to go by and see her almost everyday at lunch so that has made me feel better. It has been really hard trying to balance everything out. I never feel like I have enough time to spend with her. I have found that I don't talk to many people once I get home, that is my time with her and Matt. It has gotten a little easier but every so often I have a little melt down. This week she will start a new daycare. There wasn't anything wrong with the first one, but the new one will have a smaller class and is a little cheaper per week. She turned three months old on Thursday. Time really has flown by. She smiles and laughs so much now and she will grab things that she wants and pull them to her. We are really enjoying this stage. She had rice cereal for the first time last weekend. That was a rather funny experience. She just held it in her mouth not knowing what to do with it. Since she is tongue-tied it will take us a little longer to get her able to eat from a spoon but I am in not hurry we will just take baby steps. We went this morning and had her 3 month pictures made, we also had some made of the family. They turned out nice. I just wish she had smiled a little more, but she was sleepy and I guess at 3 months you can't really expect to much.

Returning to work

After being off with Loral for 9 weeks, I went back to work part-time. The first morning was not so good. I woke up on time, got dressed, ate breakfast, got all my stuff for work together. Then I have to go feed Loral. Now, usually this is a pleasant experience but not this particular morning. I cried the whole time. It was so hard to know that I was leaving her and she had no idea what was about to happen. I told her how much I loved her and that I would be home soon. But, she just drifted back to sleep expecting her mommy to be there when she woke up just like I had been for her whole life. I finally was able to put her back in her crib and went to kiss Matt good-bye and I started crying again. On the way to work all I could think about was her little face and eyes and how she would be searching for me when she woke up. That is what makes this hard. I know what I am doing or about to do, she just gets blindsided with it all. There is no way to prepare her for my leaving she goes to sleep and I am there and she wakes up and I am no where to be found.
At work I called every hour or so to check on her and I couldn't wait to get home. Everyone at work was telling me how good it was to have me back. The feeling wasn't mutual. Not because I don't like my co-workers but because I wanted to be with my baby. When I got home, she had fallen back to sleep and I started talking to her and then picked her up. She started crying a little and would open and close her eyes like "is this my mommy, is she really home or am I just dreaming". It was good to be home.
Friday morning seemed harder than Thursday. I didn't cry as much but just felt worse about leaving. When I called to check on her the 3rd time she was awake and I talked to her on the phone. At first Hannah said she was looking around and then she turned towards the phone and started smiling. Well, that did me in for the day. I started crying because again I realized she has no idea where I am or when I will be home. I had to get off the phone. It is so hard to feel this way and be able to perform like I need to at work. I know everyone says it gets easier and I am sure it probably will, but right now I am intitled to feel the way I do. It is hard leaving my baby and I miss her so much when I am away.
I couldn't get home to her fast enough either day and I am glad that I have had the last four days off with her. Hopefully it will make tomorrow just a little easier than last week.
On another note! My baby brother turns the BIG 16 today. It is so hard to believe that he is 16 and Arianna is 18. April & I did so much for them when they were little they were like our own kids instead of siblings. Its kind of like our kids are grown-up now. When Arianna arrived everything in our house changed. But we knew what to do with girls. Ancel is born and we just looked at him like he was from outer space. We didn't know what to do with a boy and he had colic and we probably could have given him away to the first taker. No one offered to take him. Although the first 6 mos. of his life were some of the worst for everyone else with his colic. After that was all over he turned into the sweetest little boy and we had so much fun with him. He's not a little boy anymore but he still is a lot of fun. Sometimes I still look at him and wonder where he came from, but I love him so much and wish him the happiest birthday yet!